[420 Girl]

A lesson for aspiring dope dealers everywhere: Should you choose to use one of our nation's reliable shipping methods to move your Mary Jane cross-country, select your drop-off address very carefully when dealing in the Washington, D.C.

Do not ship your pot to a former federal prosecutor.

Or an ex-military intelligence officer.

Or even a mayor.

Everyone loves a weird crime story, and what happened last week on Capitol Hill ranks among the better ones.

It's not entirely news that FedEx is an excellent way to mail a bunch of dope from coast to coast. In fact, the editors of marijuana.com found in a survey of about 300 pot mailers that FedEx outpaces UPS by 6 percentage points on quality, ease and punctuality.

I mean, if you absolutely, positively have to get stoned overnight, I guess it's the way to go.

There are tips online for the best packaging techniques: Seal it in jelly jars, wrap it and stuff it inside a jar of peanut butter, wash the bags in alcohol, use coffee grounds to throw off the drug dogs.

That's what gave it away Monday, when former federal prosecutor Melanie Sloan got a strange package from FedEx at her Capitol Hill home. Her husband, a former Air Force intelligence officer, hacked his way through two boxes, layers of plastic wrap and sealing foam to find a layer of coffee grounds.

“Coffee? It's drugs!” Sloan told her husband, before calling the cops to explain why there was 33 pounds — about $120,000 worth — of weed in her home.

Online, someone who read a similar story joked that the only place he'd call if that amount of doob landed on his porch is Pizza Hut.

But the truth is, this happens all over the country. D.C. police intercept about 30 to 40 such packages every year, and federal law enforcement stops hundreds of pot shipments annually at our airports, said D.C. police Major Narcotics Inspector Brian Bray.

Police at Sloan's home photographed the mound of weed and jokingly inquired why she called them instead of having a party.

Maybe everyone's getting a bit more relaxed about pot. A survey by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration showed that the percentage of pot smokers who are 50 to 59 years old increased from 5.1 percent in 2002 to almost 10 percent in 2007.

All this illegal shipping might begin to taper off now that the District has made the move to join 14 states in legalizing medical marijuana, said Kurt Gardinier, director of communications at the Marijuana Policy Project.

In fact, these guys shipping stuff to random addresses could be poised to go legit.

They understand that the stuff is gaining acceptance and that our graying baby boomers are shaping up to be a population better versed in tokes than strokes.

Maybe these guys are visionaries, pioneering entrepreneurs. Maybe they are on the cutting edge of the next big market, on the verge of a new age of Reefer Madness, replacing the corner dime bag dealer with mail-order convenience.

Who needs Snuggies, the Scooter Store and the Loud 'N Clear when Grandma will take two free embroidered stash sacks along with her order of Purple Haze? Grandpa might want to wake and bake with a special-edition Franklin Mint stars-and-stripes bong, embossed with a patriotic eagle. There will be countless orders for an I've Fallen but I Don't Know It alarm, and the new Jitterbug phones will have a pizza icon on one button, for when the munchies hit.

All coming right to your doorstep.

Just get the address right, dude.

http://www.420magazine.com/forums/in...pens-door.html